I wrote this several months ago in a notebook in a bar. Today is October 7, 2000.

Not That it Matters, Really, but This Is What's Going to Happen With Us.

So anyways, it's not like we got a thing yet really and we probably won't, you know, but I wanted to be really upfront and stuff. First we're gonna sleep together even though we don't really know each other very well, but it'll be cool and stuff and we'll start hanging out and having lots of sex and stuff. After a month or two you'll start saying "I love you" and I'll say it too, I don't really mind and I'll pretty much mean it, too. I will tell you that I don't necessarily thing it will last, though.

So we'll be going together and you'll meet my friends and like 'em a lot 'cause they're really cool guys. For a while we'll go out a lot and do fun stuff. Then, as a couple more months go by, we'll mostly be going out to dinner and renting movies and hanging out almost every day but not really doing anything. By now you'll still be going to a lot of our shows, but I won't care that much because I'll know you're getting pretty bored with seeing us all the time. By now, we're pretty serious and shit.

It's been maybe six or eight months. I may have remembered our six month anniversary, but maybe not. anyway, about this time I'll be getting less interested in having sex with you. Not that my libido is particularly low, I'll probably be masturbating a lot, but I just won't be very interested in having sex with you anymore and it'll seem like a chore or something. Anyways, you'll notice and you'll want to have more sex than me. You might think that I don't think that you're attractive anymore or something, but that's totally not it.

If we've been together this long I think you're pretty hot and really liked having sex with you. Did I mention the fact that we never really had that much in common and I never took you very seriously and we spent most of the time early in our relationship having sex and not getting to know each other as friends? Anyway, things will get worse and the fact that I'm not interested in you will make you feel insecure and make me feel bad because by now I really do like you a lot for some reason. To say that this has a significant impact on our relationship is a gross understatement.

Anyhow, despite the fact that everything is turning to shit, we'll spend several more months suffering through a progressively worsening relationship because I feel bad about breaking up because I really like you and I would feel like a jerk breaking up with you just because I got tired of you, so eventually you'll have to break up with me and you'll probably cry because by then I can't really pretend that I don't want this to happen, but we'll say that we'll still be friends and start hanging out sometimes and we'll have some really great sex, too, probably better than the best during our relationship, and then suddenly I'm going to get really into you and want to get back together and then either you will and the same exact sequence of events will repeat as if none of that stupid shit had ever happened in the first place, or you'll be smart enough to say "no" and then I'll really lose my shit and I won't hurt you physically because I would never do something like that, but I will try to systematically trash your self-esteem with my supposed superior intellect until you think that I am totally insane and you basically regret you ever met me in the first place, but really you also had never totally given up hope because you were really in love with me before shit went bad and you wish that I could be normal with you agian, and, for the first time ever perhaps, you realize that I really did care abut you in a way that was strong enough for me to be a total maniac, which, you know, I am not at heart.

-mark